Well, someone gave me an idea so I decided to follow up on this.
Hope you enjoy.
Part 2 of the Visit series
A Majisuka Gakuen 2nd Black x Gekikara fan fiction
Black dreamed – She dreamed of a girl, young, perhaps 15 or 16 years of age – she wasn’t very sure. The girl stood alone in a messy room. It was dark out and the only lighting was the beams of moonlight that streamed in from the windows with ripped curtains. A gentle wind swayed the shreds of lilac as it stirred the air within the room. The smell was alien to the girl – which was understandable as it was a mixture of blood, flesh and – something else she wished not to think about. Despite the red that painted the walls, the furniture and the carpet – the suffocating stench in the air and the bodies that lay around her feet, the girl stood steady among the chaos – unblinking, unseeing and unmoving-as if she registered nothing at all. Just like parts of her surroundings, she too was covered in blood – in her hair, on her face, soaking her battered clothes and covering most of her hands – hands that held onto a similarity bloody knife. She looked to the world as she stood triumphant on some battlefield. After seemingly an eternity, the girl blinked.
It was always at that moment that Black woke up – as she does now. She has had the same dream so many times that it was downgraded from a nightmare to a memory. Well, at least that was what her shrink told her. Black could not remember the event ever happening in her life and the only reason she kept going over to her ‘doctor’ was because there was a piece of her life that was missing with her memory. For starters, she couldn’t remember whatever happened to her parents except what she was told had transpired during that unforgettable night she woke up strapped to a bed in an empty white room. Three years worth of memories of her life before that night were lost and the shrink was not helping. She was told that her parents died when her home was broke into by wanted criminals – Being rick is not all glamour and rainbows it seemed. She had been sent to a place for ‘special people’ is what they called it – more like a mental hospital – since she could not be arrested. It had something to do with some law about minors and imprisonment – things she didn’t care about much to pay attention.
Having lost her memory of the event and being on the best of conduct, she was released and sent to a monastery near her home that she remembered quite well. Her release had to do with the other fact as well – the fact that she was pregnant. There was a lot of chaos on that subject that she didn’t wish to delve deeper into but the present tells of the outcome of that. Nobody discussed how exactly she came to be pregnant but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess. Black thought she took the revelations quite well actually – if by ‘well’ one meant taking five carers into surgery and causing three to quit their jobs. Everything considered, it wasn’t quite a bad deal – How exactly did they expect her to react? Telling a person with amnesia that they lost their parents, are charged of murder – four of them actually, then finding out that they had a bastard child. Really, she took it really well as far as she was concerned.
With a sigh, Black got up from her bed and stood up to put on a night gown. Looking at the clock by her bed she made it to be just a quarter past three in the morning. Looking over to the other occupant of the small room, she walked the few feet between them and looked down at her pride. Her baby lay on his side snoring away in his sleep. Black resisted the urge to caress the sleeping angel lest he wake up and raise the other residents. That wouldn’t do at all, for once she wanted to get through a day without being yelled at by a few Nuns that saw it as their other calling in life to ruin hers. Settling for just righting the covers, Black resignedly left the room to go get a glass of water from the kitchen. In the time it would take one to blink, her hand was already on the fridge door thirteen rooms away from hers and down the stairs. Grabbing a half filled bottle then an empty glass she went to settle in a chair on the dining table.
Taking a sip, her thoughts were once again back to the dreams. Despite the number of times she’s had it, Black could not remember what exactly happened – what the girl had done. She knew by now that the girl had to be her…was her. Even though the dreams started after she was told of what might have happened, Black wasn’t naïve enough to think that they were conjured up by her mind. She had killed people and she hoped her parents weren’t by her own hands. The police had said they had died differently than the thugs but Black just couldn’t help but think…
“Did you have bad dreams again?”
Black opened her eyes not looking startled in the slightest at the voice that broke into the silence. Her black orbs locked onto the one that had spoken. The old lady stood leaning on door frame looking at Black with a fond expression on her aged features. Black knew her so well she might have been another member of her family. Sister Yamashita Rumi was a well known Nun at the local church and she was the one that Black always looked forward to seeing every Sunday of her childhood her family attended mass. She remembered the treats she was always looking forward to after service. Sr. Rumi was the closest thing she had to family now and she was indebted to the lovely woman. She had saved her from being taken to a foster home by letting her stay at the monastery. In two years Black would have her right to her inheritance restored to her as per her parent’s agreement and Black would make sure to reward the wonderful lady but at the moment she was under her care.
“Hello Sr. Rumi” Black found that she smiled easily in the presence of the woman. “Yes, it the dreams again – It’s strange though that I dream of the same thing every time, no moments less or more.” Black sighed miserably “At this rate I won’t remember anything at all.” Black kept her eyes in her glass and didn’t look up until she heard the sounds of a chair being pulled.
“Well, there is no need to rush. Others in your position would settle for not having to remember.”
Black chose to think that the lady thought she was being helpful but surely she knew – it having been almost three years since the incident, that it was hardly a short time as she put it! Black loved Sr. Rumi as she would her own grandmother and she hoped that the nice lady knew her feelings on the subject.
“I sometimes think the same way” Black chose to put her thoughts on the side “but I cannot help the uneasiness that comes over me when I think of all the memories I am missing. It’s as if I was in a coma and missed that time of my life. What bothers me the most is not knowing…not knowing what transpired that evening.” Black got up to go fetch a glass for the woman so she could offer her some water. She was there for that in the first place, right? Also, Black didn’t want her to see the anger on her face that came with the frustration of not being able to remember. She returned to the table and after she filled the new glass, she walked over and placed it in front of the lady.
“Thank you very much Dear” The smile she received was almost enough to calm Black down as she returned to her seat. Silence enveloped the kitchen for a few precious seconds and Black was glad for it. The subject was very uncomfortable for her to speak of it with other people and even though she was closer to the woman before her than anyone else, and even though the woman knew what she knew having been present in her hospital room when what had transpired that night was revealed, Black was still not yet comfortable being truly honest with someone else about her feelings. Her silent relief was short lived though.
“So, how are you doing lately? Are you managing at work?” Black sighed in relief – Well, at least she was dropping the other subject. “I mean, it must be hard having to be a parent at such a young age. I still think that you should have given it up for adoption. Someone else could’ve looked after it until you succeeded your inheritance and was able to look after the baby yourself.”
Black’s grip tightened around the glass and it was all she could do to not shatter it. It was not the first time that they had had the discussion about her baby. Even Sr. Rumi being the religious woman that she was had suggested abortion to her when they first found out she was pregnant. Black had obviously been attempted at first seeing as she was quite unstable and still reeling from the multiple bad news that had been bombed onto her at the time but something had stopped her. Even after three years she still couldn’t understand why she had decided to have the baby but Black did not care. After birthing and looking upon the new life in her arms – the life she had brought into this world, Black had never been gladder of the decision. Only she however, was willing to go ahead and give birth to the child. Everyone, even the Doctors were against it.
“We have been over this many times already Sr. Rumi” Black didn’t even try to hide her displeasure as she balled her other hand into a fist on the table parallel to the one holding the glass. “If it is a problem finding someone to look after my baby, I can just look after him all by my self.” Really, didn’t she understand the bond between parent and child? How did she expect Black to feel – living a leisurely life by her self while her baby was being raised by some stranger who might even not be that nice to her baby? Of course she couldn’t understand! She had never had children of her own and never will.
“Honey, you know I didn’t mean it like that.” Black looked up and the face she saw ebbed her anger like a bucket of cold water. “You know I am just thinking of your well being. No one should be have had to go through what you did – are going through.” Black sighed and let her body relax – knowing that she was beat with that smile and the voice educated voice of her kind of granny.
“Well it did happen and it won’t be all bad forever, right?” Black smiled back at the lady. “I can handle this much. God has tested others way worse than this after all.” She beamed as she emptied the glass of water and stood up to place it in the sink. She turned to look at the lady who was just gawking at her. Did she say something bad? Trying to ignore the stare that was starting to make her uneasy, Black spoke a bit louder “Are you done with the water?”
“Huh – Oh no, I am fine thank you.” Black thought had she been a few years younger, the lady would be blushing. She was too wise for that though. Black quickly washed the glass and left it to drain on the side of the sink and after bidding good night once again to the lovely lady, she went back up the stairs to her room – this time she walked at a normal pace.
Reaching the room and closing the door behind her, Black once again checked on her baby then lay comfortably back under her bed covers. In a few hours she would have to get up for work and after lunch…She had asked for a half a day off so she could go meet up with everyone at the hospital. It had been almost two weeks since she last visited Gekikara and she was looking forward to seeing the crazy girl again. Her other friends would be there too of course – the old Rappappa members minus their late leader and Shibuya. It would only be her self, Gekikara, Sado and Torigoya and Yuko-senpai’s twin sisters. She hadn’t seen the girls since their grad and talked to them via telephone only last week when she called them to schedule the meeting. She had yet to meet the twins, which she was looking forward too as well. She hoped her ex-schoolmates wouldn’t be too mad with her for not being in touch for so long. Yawning tiredly, Black let the darkness claim her.
Everything was once again standing still in her wake. Black didn’t concern herself with the Doctors, Nurses and Patients she passed by even as awkwardly poised as they were in freeze frame. Her attention was instead on the fresh flowers in her hands she had picked up only minutes ago on her way to the hospital. Arranging them in a much more attractive display, she weaved her way through the cramped corridors as if unconsciously and not seconds after she had burst through the main entrance, Black was already inside the familiar room on the third floor and standing right in front of the glass vase that had the same flowers she had brought two weeks prior. She didn’t think much of the relief that went through her when she saw that no body had brought fresher flowers in the period in-between but she wouldn’t have cared much had there been. She would’ve thrown them out just the same as she did now.
A few seconds later the glass jar had fresh water and the freshest of flowers Black had just brought in as she sat on the bed in the same spot she had been in on her last visit. She smiled as she looked to the girl who was still bed ridden. Gekikara didn’t even bat an eye or even show the slightest bit of surprise at the sudden appearance. She instead turned her gaze from the window and smiled at Black. She once again found herself in awe at the changes she saw in the girl before her. Had she been that affected by Yuko-senpai’s passing? Was everyone else that much affected? From what she knew, Maeda had, so had Shibuya. Did Sado and Torigoya also change that much? Was Black broken – In that she didn’t feel she had been that affected? She was forced from her musings when the smooth voice spoke.
“Hello Black, thanks again for the flowers” Black nodded at the girl accepting the wide smile she was given “but aren’t you early?” Gekikara took a quick glance to the wall clock “-Too early in fact.” She turned back to Black with a raised eyebrow. Her bright smile though, told Black that she didn’t mind – in fact she seemed a little too happy.
“Well, I figured that you might need help getting ready or something before the others arrived – and I had time.” Black’s gaze scanned the room.
“Aren’t you one of the guests too?” Gekikara chuckled softly “And what do you mean ‘getting ready’? It’ not like I need to dress up or anything – Nope – I will just be here wearing my lovely PJs.” She laughed softly and Black only waited to flash a smile in return before she disappeared from the room. When she returned, she had a basin of water. She felt Gekikara’s penetrating gaze in her sides and it wasn’t long before the girl asked in confusion “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like silly?” Black smiled as she reached into the carry bag she had brought with her and pulled out a face towel with a bottle of bath cream. She raised the objects in mid air for Gekikara to see and her smile widened “I am going to give you a bath. I bet you’ve been itching for a proper one.” She finished as she turned to the basin to soak the towel into it. Leaving it there she turned to the girl. Gekikara was looking at her as if she was an alien. “Now let’s get those filthy things off of you.” She reached for Gekikara’s pyjama top buttons but she didn’t get to un-do even one before she winced and was almost forced to cover her ears at the girl’s loud squeak.
“W-w-w-w-what do you think you are doing?” Black just stared Gekikara blankly. Her face was really red and Black was taken aback at the look. So she had this side of her as well?
“Well, we can’t do this while you are wearing clothes.” Black explained as if she was talking to a child. “Why are you acting shy any ways? You haven’t been like this with the nurses, have you?” Black went for the buttons again but Gekikara jerked away, clutching at the top with all her might.
“The nurses are different!” Black only rolled her eyes at the girl’s outburst.
“Exactly how are they different? And besides, we are both girls – there is nothing to be embarrassed about.” Really, Black didn’t know what the problem was.
“There is something to be embarrassed about!” Now it was starting to look like the girl was being defensive for some reason. Black once again sighed.
“What is it? I never took you for someone to be this preservative of their body.”
“It just is, okay?” Black only stared at the girl waiting for a deeper explanation but instead of that, “Arg, fine. Do what you want.” Black raised an eyebrow at that but she didn’t push. Instead she went for the top button and while Gekikara flinched at first, her hands fell and let Black undress her. The girl still fidgeted nonstop as Black went about the undressing though. Choosing to leave the under garments on for the moment, Black stood and lifted the small basin. She walked to the side with the door and chose to sit there as to shield the girl in case of unexpected visitors.
“Okay, could you spread your legs so I can place this on the bed?” Once the girl complied, Black placed the basin down and sat near it with her back facing the door – promptly shielding Gekikara’s form from view. She swirled the face towel in the water that smelled of citrus from the cream then wrangled it of excess water to start cleaning the other girl. “Close your eyes, will you? This might sting of it gets in them.” Gekikara complied and Black began to work quickly with precision.
Silence reigned for a while but Black didn’t mind. In fact she didn’t register the silence until it came to cleaning the parts that were covered by the undergarments. Having already cleaned the visible parts of the injured girl, taking care with the wounded area, it was time to finish the job by cleaning the still covered parts. Black did not pay it any mind as she easily cleaned the girl’s now fully unclothed chest area but when she got to the other sensitive part…
Gekikara was now fully naked in front of her though Black didn’t pay it any mind. It was when her hand with the wet towel freshened out the area slightly hidden under a dark patch that she heard it – A very sharp and loud gasp. Gekikara’s breathing was very ragged and came strong and her chest – her naked chest, raised and fell very visibly. Black looked up into the usually brown-green eyes and was almost taken aback by the look she saw in them. It didn’t take long before she put two and two together to get an uncomfortable four.
‘She must really be uncomfortable right now. I better hurry this up.’ Black thought to herself and did just that. “I am sorry Rena – that must have been uncomfortable for you.” Black offered apologetically as she quickly went to Gekikara’s bag to fetch some fresh under garments and clothes. Finding what she needed, she wasted no time in putting the other girl back to her clothed state.
“N-no, it-it’s alright…It.” Gekikara trailed off. Her face was aflame and Black hoped she would not eventually combust. Black wanted to smack herself for her insensitivity. Silence reigned once again as Black dressed Gekikara into her clothes. It was harder putting them on than taking them off seeing as how careful she had to be to not aggravate Gekikara’s wounds. It was hard but it got done and Black once again left the room to get rid of the used equipment.
Black came back with a small shopping bag. “I brought you some food. It’s fruit again, hope you don’t mind.” When she looked at the girl, she was glad to see that she had managed to recompose herself, some what any way. Gekikara was back under the covers up to her hips. Black took the chair this time not wanting to stain the bed as she went to prepare the fruit for the girl.
“Not at all, I love fruits.” Black only nodded but looked up when the girl continued “Thank you Yuki-chan, for everything.” She said it in such a voice that Black couldn’t resist looking up into those exotic eyes and putting on a smile of her own.
“You are welcome Rena.” She said before she returned to peeling and cutting the fruit as they waited for their guests to arrive.
“…ha ha ha…I know, right? I swear next time she does that to me I am going to give her a piece of my mind.” Black looked up at the sound of the door opening and the new voice. Sado entered first followed in closely by Torigoya. They were both clothes in casual wear as if they were going out somewhere special. Black felt so under dressed. It was to be expected though, unless they too worked on weekends like Black and took time off – which was very unlikely.
“Hello Sado, Torigoya – It’s been a while.” Gekikara was the one who greeted the new arrivals.
“Hey Gekikara, how are you doing?” Sado spoke as she took one of the four empty chairs for herself that Black had brought in just moments before. Turning to Black she said “Long time no see Black, I gotta say I was kind of surprised at your sudden call last week. I thought something might have happened.” Black did not mind the teasing about her not keeping in touch with her school mates.
“I am getting there Sado – the bleeding has long stopped but my insides still feel really funny every time I move. I would-…” Gekikara was cut off as Black let out a ‘oof’ and fought to keep her balance as Torigoya jumped into the unsuspecting girl for a crushing hug.
“Black! How have you been? It’s been so long since I last saw you.” Really, the girl acted like such a child sometimes. Black struggled with the curvy body that was slightly bigger than hers to steady them.
“I have been fine Torigoya – busy but fine, thank you. How have you been?” Black adjusted the arms so that she could hold the girl around the waist when she pulled back to look into her eyes. When she caught those innocent chocolate orbs she continued “I am sorry I have not been in touch. I swear it wasn’t that I was avoiding you guys or anything.” She looked from Torigoya to Sado with the latter shaking her head in amusement.
“It’s alright Black – we understand, right Torigoya?” Sado gave the girl a look – to which she replied with a sheepish smile.
“We do, we do – You must be very busy with the parent thing – Oh! How is the baby by the way? It’s been so long since I saw it.” Torigoya, who seemed to have settled for sitting in Black’s lap instead of the available chairs, stared off into space with a finger to her cheek with a fond smile on her face, probably thinking of the small bundle of joy that was Black’s life.
“He’s doing just great. Actually just this Tuesday he got his second vaccination.” Black smiled when she thought of her baby and the way he had handled the shot. He did cry but not for long. Her baby was just so tough. She was so proud of him. “You can meet him when Gekikara leaves the hospital. It will be like a release reward.” Black poked the girl on her lap teasingly. Torigoya squeaked happily.
“Speaking of – when will be let out of this depressing place?” Sado directed this at Gekikara, who had been watching Black and Torigoya with interest. Black looked up in time to see Gekikara’s gaze shift to fall on Sado.
“Come on Sado, it’s not so bad” Black was confused when Gekikara turned to gaze at her for a second then looked away blushing just as quickly. ‘What was that about’ she wondered. Sado just gave her a ‘Are you serious?’ look but before she could speak she was cut off but Gekikara “The Doctor said that in a month or so if my inner injuries started to close off too.”
“A month, huh – I guess the injury was worse than we thought then?” Sado looked sadly to the girl on the bed. Black and Torigoya too looked to the girl and Black couldn’t help thinking back on Gekikara’s confession of the extent of her injuries. Their two friends had no idea just how bad the injuries really were. Black hoped the bed ridden girl would look at her so she could send her a comforting look – anything – but the girl lowered her eyes on the covers and kept them there. The awkward atmosphere was shattered moments later by Torigoya. Black was never glad for the oblivious girl’s KY moments.
“We have to wait a month?! But I want to see the baby soon” Torigoya whined in a voice that would be considered childish except it had that tone to it that Black could only associate with sexiness. She pitied the guys that went to the girl’s place of work only to not be her customers. “Can’t I just come over by myself then once again when Gekikara gets better?” She tightened her hold around Black’s shoulders to get her attention. Black looked into the eyes that were only centimetres away – and then she saw it. Black smiled gratefully at the girl. Torigoya had done it on purpose.
“Sorry Torigoya but you will have to wait until Gekikara’s release.” She beamed at the Chinese-dressed girl.
“Ow, pretty please Black?” Black sweat dropped at the expression she was bombarded with.
“Give it up Torigoya. Even your legendary seductive tactics won’t work on Black – You should know that.” Sado snickered at the pout she got in return. Black struggled not to sneeze when Torigoya’s smooth traces brushed her face – and in turn tickling her nose when the girl turned sharply away from Sado, playing the ignore game. “So, should we start the meeting now?”
“We are still waiting on two more people.” Black said as she looked to the wall clock. “They shouldn’t be long now.”
“Who are we waiting on? I thought it would be just us!” Sado asked – confusion clear in her strong gaze.
Black looked to Gekikara who shook her head in return. Turning back to their senpai, Black let a mysterious smile break out on her face. She was very much looking forward to Sado’s reaction “it’s a surprise Sado, you will just have to wait and see – then you will know why exactly we will need them.”
“But I hate surprises…” it seemed that Torigoya had started to rub off on their previous hardened sub-leader.
“Oh, I am sure you will like this one quite a lot Sado.” Black caught the secretive glance Gekikara sent her after she finished speaking.
“Just what are two…” Sado’s frustrated outburst was cut short when the door opened for the last two members of their small parliament. Black knew who it was without needing to look to the door and so her eyes were locked onto Sado’s face to enjoy the full scope of her reaction to the appearance of their new guests. She saw, as if in slow motion, Sado’s eyes widen, her eyebrows disappearing upwards and her jaw go slack. She stifled her laughter though for even though she had heard of it from Gekikara, when she finally looked to the new guests, she too was awed at the sight.
“Hey guys-“ The left of the two halves spoke first.
“-We are not late,” The one on the right continued.
“-are we?” The two arrivals finished in perfect sync.
“This-this cannot be…” Black couldn’t help but agree at the disbelief in Sado’s voice.
To be continued…
July 27, 2011 at 22:36
Okay. Here we are again. I couldn’t help myself, and my critic self got dominant. I know it’s a bad habit, but what can I do. First I will point out the obvious. There’s something very different in this one. Maybe something even missing from this. I couldn’t see the characters and the situations inside my head until I was already at halfway point of this post. That could mean this is not like the other one was. That don’t necessarily means that this is worse than the first one. This one just… I don’t know how to put it. Even you mentioned something like you had no confidence with this one. I’m not telling that this is bad at all. It’s just not as good as the first one. But I was kinda expecting it, since I know how this all works. You write a good scene, and you know it. You feel good about it. You have the feeling inside your heart, and you feel the need to write an another one, than it happens. What happens is that something has changed inside you. Something, that confuses you. You don’t understand why, but you feel uneasy about your work. And it all ends here.
The good news is that I can tell you what happened. As you wrote the first one, it all was born from a clear inspiration. In this case from an episode of MG2. Than it became something more than that. The story has born, a new world was created. The second time it was different, because you already had a world. Now it can’t be created from scratch anymore, because there is already something there. So that’s why this wasn’t as good as the first one.
I hope I wasn’t too blurry. As I read this I couldn’t help, but to feel that you might judging the characters inside the story. Maybe you didn’t do that at all, I just had that feeling though. (I can be wrong, but that will be really unusual 🙂 )
I didn’t want to be too … how do they call it… too hard on you, so I watched MG2 episode 8 again, when Gekikara opens her eyes and there are a lots of people around her bed, like Sado, Torigoya, Gakuran, Shaku and the two Kabuki. So even with the help of the “original” I still feel a bit… (I don’t want to use the word disappointed, because this wasn’t that bad at all, just… there’s that little “it was good, just…”) But I already told you what happened. I felt this one a bit faster paced than the first. Also the reason I couldn’t see the scenes until I reached the halfway point is that this had less feelings in it. Like the first one had a tons of Gekikara’s feeling in it. The reason could be that this is not only one scene but more. That can make a huge difference.
Okay. For the closing my words I say that this was not bad at all. The story works, and I see a lots of potential in you. There’s one thing that bothers me though. I see you can write stories in premade environments and with already made characters, but I feel I want to read something, that is fully created by you.
PS: Sorry for the looooooooooong comment. Sometimes I just can’t shut up. XD
July 27, 2011 at 23:18
Ha ha ha, I was worried about that.
You were partly right about what happened.
You see the problem is that it was meant as a one shot but a reader requested a continuation (which seems to happen for most of my one shots – I mean even Matsui was supposed to be a one shot) and so you see the problem I had. Also, the first part was the only one based on the events in the drama, from there on it’s going to be AU so I might warn you to read it now as a whole new story and not an expanse on the canon.
There was no way but to go OOC which was very obvious and I think that is what your spidey-sense tingled at. All the parts about Black were made up and though I love her to bits (My favorite ) even I did not like writing her like that but it was necessary for the plan I had to work. About the old Rappappa meeting, that was also not based on what happened in the drama, it was all a new direction and I really wanted to keep the characters from season one. Am I the only one that didn’t like the personality raep in S2? Only Rena is the one who is going to change since it is relevant to the story as I have hinted at so far. Black will stay that cool and quite chara she was, Torigoya the aloof chara as she was and Sado too.
So you see, quite a complication I had there.
This is why feedback is awesome. this way I can explain things, you know?
So really, thank you very much for writing your thoughts. I do know the problem you mention about judging character which is really common in us beginners since we tend to favoritize and I have to say that I am not sure if I am not doing it. I love Black and Gekikara so much that I might have done it unthinkingly.
Once again, thank you for your thoughts, they are very much appreciated.
PS: What about the English part of things? English is my second language and I have no beta reader so if you could judge me on that as well it would be swell!
Okay, shutting up now!
July 27, 2011 at 23:57
Well, now I see how it was. The one more after a one shot will never succeed. It has to made anew in order to reach new heights. Also, if you don’t like the character while writing her scenes then… well at least you have to change something I guess. The energy is very important. The power of feelings. It is a very possibility that we felt the same thing. You, while writing, me while reading it.
There will be a long list if I wanted to write down what I liked about MG2 and what not. (A critic again?) But I won’t do it here. Or maybe one. Gekika… khm Amakuchi was a good twist.
The next thing is … I can’t help it but feel as: Did you made me a veteran writer with this comment? Because I suddenly felt like I’m the old literature teacher or some sort. 😀
But I tell you, that I’m not that old. Only 26, and I think we can:
“Stand up! Together!
Remember the day you were born!
Everyone’s a beginner!”
And “we can be reborn all the time!” 🙂
And finally about the English part. I’m not sure I can… how does is called… overview you, because we are walking in the same shoe. (Not sure if this sentence has a meaning in English, but it does in Hungarian!) Even there were some words I had to use a translator for, so that’s it about my English 😀 . But at least to say something to you: The first one had more bolted language. In my opinion though. (Not many critics have the guts to write this last phrase.)
July 28, 2011 at 01:00
Nice punch quoting BEGINNER there. You got me with that one. Incidentally, Beginner is my AKB48 most favoured song. I love it so much!
But you are right and I totally get your ‘wearing the same shoe’ quote, even if I am miles away from you! LOL
But I have to give you credit because anyone going the analytical (critics) route has to be out there, as in they have lots of experience either from reading a lot of great fics or other.
I am thankful for your feedback either way and I will say it again too.
So, yeah, thanks.
August 31, 2011 at 18:17
OMG this one is really good to can you also please continue this script as well i can’t get enough of it soooo Aswsooome
August 31, 2011 at 19:12
Part three is in the works. This is a series after all.
Happy that it was to your liking.