百合 Goggles

Yukirin Is Love. Yuri Is Life!

Fic–Disillusion [Yukirin/Sakura-tan and Mayuyu)



Has Miyawaki Sakura accomplished the impossible? Has she finally succeeded in forcing Mayuki apart?!

If I could, I would have named this fic ‘OH SHIT!’

Just like 5 Minutes is to the Unexpected Guest, Disillusion is also kind of a sequel but you do not really have to have read those two to enjoy this. It is kind of recommended though, if only to increase the enjoyment factor. Any way, Mayuyu finally gets into the equation because, hello! Any equation with Yukirin in it has no solution unless Mayuyu is somewhere in there. And boy…>.<

If you were not expecting this, shame on you. What did you think I would do when I FINALLY see Sakura and Yukirin in the same unit! It sucks that there was so little contact in this song btn the two but it is a start. I hope the management see the light after this and go to higher levels.  Oshibe is the Ultimate dream, and under it Kinjirareta maybe…

Anyway, enjoy ^^


Black Gekikara

An AKB48/HKT48 Kashiwagi Yuki and Miyawaki Sakura Fan Fic


Everyone in the grand apartment building was on edge. That is how strong the tension was in the sitting room of Yukirin’s apartment. It was so quiet that even for the hour one would think that there wasn’t a single person in the apartment. But empty it was not and neither was it occupied only by the resident, or residents as of ten days ago. There were three people scattered around the room. All had different emotions plastered over their faces ranging from anger to fear then to pure shame. The fact that one of them had just woken up having collapsed not so long ago, made the air that much more cutting.

There was not much space available in such a one bedroom apartment, well it would be two if it weren’t for one of the rooms being turned into a private dance studio. Even if the living room took the biggest slice of the cake, it was still relatively small. The apartment being westernised was filled with western furniture and the living room could only take one three seat couch and an accompanying set of a one-sitters. Despite the small size, the space between the three occupants seemed like it could be measured in kilometres. Even though there was enough places for each person to seat, all were standing in their preferred comfort zones.

The anger bearer had her arms crossed over her chest and her heated vision pointed towards one target. It was as if there were only the two of them around. She found it easier to ignore the third person and really, if anyone was to blame for everything, it was the person towards whom her heat vision was aimed at. Her feelings transformed from anger to disbelief to even more anger. She was Watanabe Mayu, also known as Mayuyu to her fellow members. It had been a while since she was over to Yukirin’s apartment due to her new status which meant a lot of bussing around. Then after what seemed like forever, she had finally found the time to come over to this place that was like a second home to her. She had had plans, what with Valentine’s Day only two days away, she had had big plans for Yuki and herself. That was why she had come over to put her plan in motion only to find what…!

Opposite Mayuyu and only four meters away but the distance felt close of that of the North and South poles, stood Yukirin with her gaze drilling small holes in the floor of her own apartment. Her mind was blank, her thoughts none existent. What time was it? What day? How long had she been standing there? She did not know. Her heart though, her heart was filled with over-whelming despair and shame and her body seemed to wish the holes in the floor would grow big enough to swallow her so she could escape this life that had seemed so precious just minutes prior.

Facing the two, stood the youngest of those present and more different from them than simply the difference in age. First of all, she was not disturbed by the obvious way she was being ignored, in fact, she wished that her Senpai would totally forget about her for the night but she knew that was impossible. She too was also a part of the reason for the sour atmosphere and she knew that if she even took a step or made her presence more known, she would get more than what she was looking for. As to what she felt, that was the question. She felt anger towards Watanabe-san for, who was she to meddle into their affairs! On the other hand, she felt ashamed for Yuki-san for she was getting the heat of it all while she, Sakura, was also to blame. She watched Yuki-san looking very miserable and lost, a first time for her and Sakura did all she could to ignore the need to go and comfort her…her…what was their relationship exactly? And after the night, that is if they managed to survive through it, what would be their relationship. Sakura kept her thoughts to herself lest she unleash the beast that was just moments away from being un-leashed by the name of Watanabe-san.

Neither Sakura nor Yukirin dared move as if a simple motion would set the girl off. What would they even say? Saying sorry would not cut it especially in Yuki’s case. There was much more damage done there than she probably even could think of but her whole being had an idea which was why she was frozen on the spot as she was. Sakura on the opposite hand was a bit of an outsider at the moment and even though it was a disheartening thought, it was the truth. Would she ever mean so much to Yuki as Watanabe-san does? Her heart dampening at those thoughts, Sakura kept them to herself.

Just when it seemed like they would stand out the night in palpable tension, the bomb finally ticked down to zero. Mayuyu finally let loose the feelings that had been building up ever since she walked into the apartment and boy, did she let loose! The fury in her words completely buried the pain and disbelief that she was feeling when she emptied her clip of explosive bullets at Yukirin who meant so much to her. She was her closest friend, her sister, her guardian, her mother and her…

“Why…How…When did…How could you do this?!”

Yukirin’s head snapped up at attention as soon as Mayuyu’s voice hit the air. The fact that it was the most recognisable sound to her ears as if she had heard it since her previous life then hearing it in the current silence was akin of being hit in the head with a baseball bat. She opened her mouth to say something in reply from habit but then the reality of the situation hit her hard. She instantly closed her jaws and looked back down to the ground.

“Look at me when I am talking to you!”

Mayuyu almost shattered the air with the cutting force of her words. To say that she was furious would be the Century’s understatement. Her mind was getting crazier by the minute she tried to figure out how things could have gotten to this point. When those eyes that she was so familiar with almost as much as her own looked up , instead of making her feel the things they usually did, feelings of being loved, being safe and cared for, Mayuyu was instead emptied slowly of those feelings.

“How could you do this Yukirin? And with her of all people! She’s like seven fuckin years younger than you and you’re 22! Why?” Nothing was making sense to Mayuyu and she was getting scared for, for the first time, she does not see her Yukirin at all! Did she even know the real Yukirin? “Do you have like, problems or something? Are you a nympho or something? First it was with Sae but at least with her I could understand but you told me there was nothing like that going on between you two. What is it this time then, please do tell!”

Yukirin just wished she would be struck by lightning or something so she could gain supernatural powers. The power of invisibility would be much welcome. Better yet, maybe she would be struck to death! Anything would be preferred to being right here and seeing Mayuyu like this. She had never seen this side of the girl before. Yuki knew she had screwed up big time.

“Oh my God, you were lying to me that time too, weren’t you? I mean, how you could not have slept with her and not with Sae!” Mayuyu felt a sickness come over her and the room span a little before her eyes. The vision of Yukirin skewered and went out of focus a little. She moved her foot a step to steady herself. It wouldn’t do to pass out again.

“Say something darn you”

Mayuyu had never cursed with Yukirin which pointed out the proven facts of how much Yukirin was screwed. Yuki lowered her arms that had been raised on instinct ready to catch the falling Mayuyu. Her body was half bent forward in mid-step. She corrected herself and tried to think of something to say. Everything was just so screwed up. Yukirin couldn’t remember a time that she struggled with words when it came to Mayuyu.

“That’s…that’s not it…” She couldn’t even conjure the strength to deliver a full sentence right.

“That’s not it? THAT’S NOT IT?!!”

Oh God, she should have kept her mouth shut! Yukirin tried to back off and away from the on-coming bullet train with her name on its nose. But with the small size of the room, came the limited space between her and Mayuyu which said girl closed in a mere instance. She did not stop until their noses almost touched. At the distance Yukirin physically felt the heat of Mayuyu’s fury and the saw burning flames within the doubled rounded furnaces that were her eyes. She took a step back to avoid the fires of hell.

“What’s not it? Is it the fact that you lied to me all this time or is it the fact that you have been fucking a 15 year old for Lord knows how long?! And don’t you dare deny it! I have noticed the way you look at her thee past couple of days and only those who have already been together that way would do what I found you two doing! For fuck’s sakes, your buttons are still undone!”

Not even breaking eye contact, Yukirin sneaked her hands between them both in attempts to fix her shirt.

“Go ahead, much good that will do you!”

Off to the side, Sakura watched on with incredulous wonderment. Even in back in HKT, the relationship of the two girls before her was well known, mostly thanks to their Senpai Sasshi and Nee-san. Those two were after all, very familiar with the pair having been in the same team for a long period of time. Also Nee-san was of the same generation as Yuki and Mayuyu-san. The way they were described was close to legendary in that it was almost unbelievable for members to be that close. Sakura too, in fact she doubted there was a member who wasn’t aware of the legendary MayuYukirin. So to witness those same members being hostile to each other like they were now…Sakura had no words.

At the mention of Yukirin’s shirt, Sakura couldn’t help looking down too only for her mind to wander again when she caught sight of silk black that forced her to slip back in time to that moment she first found out the colour and texture of the undergarment with her own hungry eyes and sensitive fingers not long ago.


(A good deal of minutes before)

“That’s still not quite right Sakura. Slow down a bit once you turn and try to be softer. Relax your muscles.”

Miyawaki Sakura stopped mid-way and returned to the previous position she had been in to begin over again and to apply what Yuki-san had told her. “Like this?” She asked in clarification.

“That’s much better but…Okay, close your eyes.” The girl shut them instantly. “Now think of the ocean and picture the way the waves move on the surface. Can you see it?”

“Um…I think so.”

“Now try to assimilate that movement with your back.”


Yukirin watched with studious eyes as Sakura tried to do what she had been asked. She was getting better but she was still moving stiffly and that was the first sign of lack of sexiness. Sexiness is what she was trying to get out of the young HKT48 member. It also showed how young Sakura still was which gave away the incompatibility that existed between the song that they were to perform in a couple of hours for the AKB Show valentine’s day episode and Sakura. But management had given Sakura the song and made Yukirin and Love-tan, two of the original performers of the song, her partner. That fact cancelled out the possibility that they were looking for a different take on the theme of the song so it was either Yukirin change herself to fit better with Sakura or change Sakura a bit to fit both the song’s theme and Yukirin. And since the third participant was Love-tan and thus more in favour of the song’s theme, that meant that Sakura had to change to fit the rest for them to for a successful performance.

Back at the studio, the two along with Oota Aika, had practiced for the show to familiarize themselves with each other and the stage. But even though Sakura had done the song before with Watanabe Mayu and her fellow team member Kodama Haruka, she had felt that she needed to do more this time around. With her first performance, since neither of the two had the quality needed for the song, they had gone for a different feel which suited them better even though it did not the song. This time though, it was Yuki-san and Nee-san with whom she would be performing with. That meant that cute was not the way to go but they had not the time to continue at the studio so since Yuki had a personal studio at her apartment, Sakura had asked her and she had agreed to help. And so that is where they were, with Yuki trying to bring out the sexy in her.

“You are still a little stiff in the back Sakura-tan. I don’t think that can be taken care of in one night. It’s not perfect but that is good enough for now.” Really, they had spent a lot of time already trying to get Sakura-tan up to speed on the formation that she and Love-tan always used and Sakura had less than a week – A week that had come to an end with the actual performance the next day.

“Please Yuki, I don’t want to give a less than perfect performance, especially after getting this chance that might be the last, of performing with you! I have been waiting for a moment like this and I want it to be one of my best. Please…” Sakura felt like crying. She had finally gotten the chance to be in the same unit with her idol, the person who was the reason that she got into this business in the first place and she would be damned if wouldn’t make it her best performance.

“Alright, alright. No need for that.” Yukirin said ashamedly as she walked closer to Sakura and patted her shoulder comfortingly. She had first thought of hugging Sakura but she resisted that urge. The girl was doing very strange things to her. Her thoughts were turning strange too. Her dreams…Oh god her dreams! And that was if she had finally managed to fall asleep, which was becoming something of an impossible task ever since the two started living together. And since that shower incident – the incident that they had yet to talk about, Yukirin had sworn to never touch the younger girl inappropriately ever again, which was also much easier said than done. She found herself reaching the limit recently, especially in the mornings when she would wake up wrapped in Sakura’s wonderfulness. Bad thoughts Yukirin, bad thoughts! And sometimes she would swear that Sakura was…Nah! She isn’t that type of girl.

“Okay, usually the best way to go is to train your body to be softer but that is long time process. For now, let’s just make it good enough for this song, okay?” When Sakura nodded to show that she was ready Yukirin continued “Now then, give me a sec…”

Yukirin sat down on the floor and made a triangle with one of her legs raised and bent at the knee. She then joined her hands in a circle a bit off to the side. When she was ready she looked to Sakura.

“Okay, now I want you to go through these gaps without forcing me to detach my hands or raise my leg. When you can do it easily, that should be enough. Okay, ready?”

“Ready…” Sakura said when she finished a quick stretch that someone preparing for a dash would do.

“Okay then, go in through the leg.” Yukirin tried not to chuckle at her Kouhai’s antics. She was just too cute. Yukirin shook her head at the thousandth thought of the like. Stop that you stupid brain!

But her brain did not stop. In fact not even a minute later, it was joined by her heart, then her nervous system which was going haywire as Sakura did as she was told.

Sakura moved closer to Yukirin then knelt down. She hesitated a bit before she proceeded to bend lower in order to go through the tiny space that was between the floor and Yuki’s bent leg. The head went through easily but after that, it was a struggle getting her shoulders passed without forcing Yuki’s leg off the ground.

“Twist your shoulders at an angle.”

Yukirin offered and that was enough for Sakura to get through up to her upper back. Because they were so low to the ground, the only way for Sakura to do what they were doing was for her to crawl. Her belly was literally touching the floor. The position she was in looked like that of someone taking a break from doing push ups. Yukirin traced Sakura’s back from head and down with her eyes. She stopped when her eyes fell on Sakura’s butt which was giving off a very attractive look thanks to the squeezed healthy butt cheeks. Stop it you stupid brain!

“Okay, now you have to stand up by going through the arms. And of course you have you do it without forcing me to separate my fingers.”

“That’s impossible. I am already struggling to keep this position.”

“You won’t know until you try. And it’s not impossible. I mean if someone like me could do it, surely you can too.”

“I doubt that.”

“And why is that?”

“You obviously don’t know me. The members call me the EVA of Hakata back in HKT.”

“Eva? As if Evangelion?” Yukirin burst out in laughter.


“Sorry Sakura-chan, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just that…My stiffness is well known too so that makes one more thing we have in common. I guess that makes me Eva unit 2 then.” She winked at the girl.

“What? But you are…you’re you! I have watched a lot of your performances and you are so not an Eva! I really, really love the way you dance!” Sakura had turned her head swiftly to look at Yukirin. She had fire in her eyes and Yukirin was taken aback from the intensity of the look and the passion in her voice. Yukirin stared for a while then she gave Sakura a blinding smile. Sakura finally digested what she had just said and her cheeks all but grew to the same colour of the petals of the tree after which she was named.

“Why, thank you Sakura-chan.” She couldn’t resist petting Sakura’s short hair is a show of affection. Exercise forgotten and herself too, Yukirin kept threading her fingers into those lovely shot silky threads none stop as if she was a programme in a loop. “I really love your hair like this Sakura…”

Sakura was had not been expecting that which explained her losing control of her body. She lost balance and of course being entwined within Yukirin’s limbs, she almost took the both of them with her if it weren’t for Yuki urgently tightening her grip on Sakura and pulling her towards herself. Having used a bit more force than necessary, Yuki was forced backwards with the sudden weight. She fell taking Sakura with her thus accomplishing what Sakura could not.

“Ow!” The distance between her head and the floor hadn’t been that fatal but it still hurt. Her mind filled with stars for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?” Sakura had landed on top of Yuki and the back of her head had connected with a pointy surface which she knew to be Yuki’s chin. She thought it was from that that the older girl was wincing from.

“I’m okay; just give me a second for all these flashy lights on my eyelids to disperse.” Indeed it did not take a second more before her vision began to clear. Only for them to open to the plump face of Sakura’s that was twisted in un-necessary worry. The girl was lying on top of Yukirin and they were almost within full on body contact. The only parts not touching were from the neck and up. Yukirin had her arms around Sakura’s tiny waist and her hands still had it in a protective vice-grip. They were so close that Yukirin could feel the girl’s temperature through the air she exhaled! Every time Sakura breathed the warm breezes massaged Yuki’s face in a way that made her recent resolve with herself in regards to Sakura go completely up in smoke.

Sakura breathed in sharply when Yuki brought her hand up and continued massaging her scalp just like she had been doing just moments before. Both girls got lost in each other’s eyes as the distance between them shrank by the second that passed. A small moan escaped Sakura’s lips and as if that had been the trigger she had been waiting for, Yukirin let herself completely go and surrendered to her body’s wants and desires. She strengthened her hold on Sakura’s back and flipped them over so that Sakura was lying on her back and Yukirin on top of her; with Yukirin’s knees on either side of her waist and each hand planted firmly on either side of Sakura’s head like pillars trying to hold the weighty beauty of the young woman above.

Their eyes never left each other as they continued to stare into each other’s souls. Sakura held her breath waiting for what was to come next but when nothing was happening, she grew impatient by the second that passed by without action. The desire to revisit that feeling she had experienced once was over-whelming but she did nothing about it for, what if her acting had the opposite effect? What if she scared Yuki off and caused her to put an end to this…whatever they were doing. So she waited three seconds more. Sakura closed her eyes slowly and raised her chin a bit and that was all it too, for even before that familiar red ghosting of light had registered on the back of her eye-lids in the darkness that followed, Sakura was forced to open them again in blissful surprise! It took a good five seconds to register what was actually going on for she had been shocked by the force with which Yuki had kissed her.

When Sakura finally got it through her head, the first observation that her brain registered was the soft sensation of something that slid so very strangely but in a good way over her lips. It took her brain some time to register that yes, she was in fact being kissed by none other than Yuki. Sakura couldn’t handle all the feelings coursing through her body so she tried to let some loose through moans but without much success as Yukirin only took that the opposite way and instead of pulling back, Yukirin let her tongue go free as she deepened the kiss. She tasted and explored every part of the sweet wet and oh so soft warmth that was Sakura’s mouth. As if she were an artist feeling her subject up to farther register the dimensions for better results, Yukirin’s tongue roamed every corner of Sakura’s mouth as if it were her own.

Sakura was feeling things she never thought even existed. That first time in the shower – that seemed so long ago it might have even been a dream, was proving to be a lesser experience. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was hit out of the blue and thus more shocked than anything but this time things were different. She could not stop moaning even though her sounds were cut off. Yuki’s tongue in her mouth felt like it was tickling her very soul! When Yuki’s tongue met hers, that she had been hiding out of the way so as to not disturb Yuki, Sakura tasted Yuki for the very first time. Her mind saw stars. To keep herself from being swooped into space, Sakura brought her arms up and around Yuki’s back and held her in a vice-like embrace.

“Mm…Yuki…Ahh~” Sakura’s attempt at making sense of her feelings and trying to communicate them to Yuki were interrupted and seemed un-noticed as Yuki only increased the magic she was performing on Sakura. One of Yukirin’s hands was now making its way along Sakura’s left ribcage and upwards to the soft and very much sensitive raised flesh. When she took hold of the healthy yet still developing breast and squeezed it in her palm, Sakura bit down on Yukirin’s lip and all but cried cries that got swallowed into the wet goodness that was Yuki’s mouth.

“Sakura-chan…My Sakura…” Yukirin could not stop even if she had tried to. Sense left her and it was just her bare self, taking what she wanted for the very first time in her life. Well, technically the second time since she did not ask that first time either. She was just pure desire and all she desired was right there, right under her very finger tips. Not even paying mind to the wound she had just received on her lip where Sakura had bitten down, Yuki all but continued on with her assault.

Sakura’s heart rate was already going out of control but it seemed to have more speed within it for it sped up by a few more beats when she felt the slightly chilly fingers of Yuki force their way under her modest t-shirt and traced skin to skin. A few more seconds were lost when the hand reached passed her pink bra and right over her very sensitive skin. Tears of the impossibility of feelings that were coursing through her fell as Yukirin began to massage that area. She was not being rough but neither was she being gentle. It was just the right amount of rougheness and Sakura thought she was going to pass out from all the feelings.

Despite the age difference of 5 years, give or take a few months, both Yukirin and Sakura were in uncharted territories. They were both slaves to their desires that chained their bodies and minds. As Yuki explored and experimented with a new touch, different from the last, so did Sakura respond driven by the need to know more – to feel more.

The air between them was so hot, due to the rising temperatures of their bodies, that little clouds of fog were beginning to puff in and out of existence around their super active mouths and duelling noses. The tips and the area of skin around said parts grew dump and wet from both the condensed air and un-attended saliva.

Sakura was completely over-whelmed by the feelings coursing through her entire being in the wake of Yuki’s electrifying fingers. Yuki on the other hand was drowned in the sea of want that she too was completely at the mercy of. So, either should be forgiven for missing any other happenings that were going on in the apartment – Like the sound of the front door opening and closing or the excited voice that called out happily for Yukirin like it usually did whenever the owner came over.

They also, maybe, could have been forgiven for missing the shocked gasp followed by the common cry for the Lord’s name in the show of extreme disbelief. They need not be forgiven for they, or at least one of them did hear it and really, she was who mattered most to the newcomer.

Yukirin snapped her head towards the doorway and stared, then stared some more. The gravity of the situation not yet sinking into her still clouded mind. But she was not alone for right in front of the entangled couple Mayuyu was also trying to make sense of what her eyes were showing her. They sent the images to her brain as per normal alright but the information might as well have been in binary code because no sense could be made of the disturbing and unwanted visuals.

Watanabe Mayu, the closest member to Yukirin – someone closer than a best friend even more than a sister, was witnessing Yukirin in the act of performing the forbidden with Miyawaki Sakura of all people. Mayuyu felt like her mind was about to implode. She shook her head furiously in an attempt to dispel this illusion of lies.

Sakura for her part was still under the spell and thus completely unaware of the depth of the situation that she was now a part of. All that Sakura was belonged to Yuki in that very moment – Yuki who was still staring at Mayuyu as if she was seeing a ghost. Even as her mind struggled to grasp the deadly position she was in, her body was already instinctively pulling away from Sakura to stand upright.

The new Face of AKB48 scanned Yukirin with eyes that followed hers every single millimetre from her lying position on top of Sakura until she was standing upright. Mayu ignored the half un-buttoned shirt that completely exposed a black-clad bosom that was the envy of so many girls, sometimes even Mayuyu herself. She even ignored the hands that had gone after Yuki as she stood as if Yuki was a magnet and they were metal, slaves to her magnetic power.Mayuyu’s complete attention was fixed on those eyes that she knew so well – Eyes that when she looked into them she could understand Yuki like they were one. But as she looked into those eyes now, for the very first time Mayuyu did not know them.

Mayuyu collapsed under her own feet as she passed out.

“Mayuyu!” Seeing Mayuyu falling over her feet caused Yukirin to get back to reality. She was already dashing over to the collapsed girl’s side even before the name had left her lips.


“How long has this been going on?”

A voice cutting into the thickness of silence once again brought Sakura back to the present. Watanabe-san had moved back a little and looked at Yuki with a look that at first, she could not decipher.

“Not-not long…”

Yuki seemed to have lost the power of her voice. Sakura-tan felt another urge to go up to her and hold her in her arms. But she knew better so she stayed put.

“How long?” Mayuyu merely repeated the question with the patience of hungry lion.

“A-A few days…maybe a week…” Yukirin’s voice died off as the sentence went on.

“A week? A week?! You’ve been together for just a week and you not only had your tongue down her throat but ready to put it in her un-mentionables!?!”  The look of disbelief on Mayuyu’s face was such a strange thing. A picture would have made it on display in the local public gallery.

Well, now Sakura could see clearly what Mayuyu was feeling. A look of complete disgust reaplce that of shock on her face. Even though the words were harsh and the fact that being talked about as if she was not present was beginning to rub Sakura the wrong way, she said nothing for Mayuyu was right. If they had not been interrupted when they had been, Sakura was sure that they would be back to the same place they were in that one moment frozen in time in the shower. It would also have been a complete lie for her to say that she had not been looking forward to what was to come. Ever since that night Sakura had not thought of anything more exciting than that moment. She had found herself wondering when she would ever be able to feel that feeling again or if she would even ever feel it again with how Yuki had been ignoring her since that day. Even though Yuki had tried to be subtle about her avoidance, which was really hard seeing as they were not only living in the same apartment but they also shared a bed, Sakura had been hurt by the avoidance even though she had tried to not show it. She did not remember them touching since the night in the shower. Even in bed, somehow there seemed to be enough space for four people in it all of a sudden. Well, she did touch Yuki during practice for their unit song as it was a part of the choreography but that did not count. Even if she still felt the tickling when her hand touched warm skin, it did not count.

“How could you do this to me? How could you!?”

“Mayuyu I am…”

“Do not say it. Just…do not, okay?! Sorry is not going to cut it this time. It happens once, I forgive you. Twice, maybe, but I doubt this is the second time!” The only thing keeping Watanabe Mayu from breaking down in tears was the anger at the betrayal she had been dealt.

“I am such a fool! I can’t believe that I…” Mayuyu paused then turned sharply to Sakura’s direction. It felt like it was the first time the two had looked at each other the whole time Mayuyu had been around. “Could you give us a moment?” The way she said it seemed like she had been hoping for Sakura to be gone since forever.

Sakura in turn snapped at attention for being the target of two sets of eyes. She looked from Yuki then Mayuyu then back to Yuki. She did not know what she had been looking for but nether gave her anything so she all but dashed out of the living room and into the bed room. Once in, Sakura closed the door behind her and collapsed against it at a loss of what to think, feel or do.

After all, she had accomplished the impossible. Sakura had managed to split closest pair in the whole of the AKB48 group over the course of one week that she had entered their lives. Well, technically she was only involved in Yuki’s but who was she kidding? Mayu was Yuki as Yuki was Mayu.  What had she been thinking to let things go so far? Sure, the first time she had not the time nor the chance to say ‘NO’ but this time she had. She had the choice, and having already known what was to follow, she also had the chance to stop the development and yet what had she done?

Just because she had feelings for her Senpai did not mean that Yuki felt the same way. Even if Yuki had been the one to instigate things on both occasions, it needn’t necessarily have been love. Yuki was 22 years old, having spent a third of her life in the Idol industry where romance was forbidden so she had needs – needs that Sakura had provoked when she all but seduced her Yuki. That’s right, she knew what she had wanted and had played the game so well. So maybe the first time she wasn’t expecting things to get so far but she was not innocent either.

And now, her actions were showing their side effects and she was not so sure she was ready for how she would be affected. Sakura knew that the veil would be lifted from Yuki’s eyes after tonight. With Mayuyu in the mix now Sakura knew that her illusions were over. Even if it actually did happen and Mayu and Yuki actually ‘broke up’, she doubted Yuki would ever approach her that way ever again.  Everything had seemed so right just minutes ago. Now though, now nothing was alright. Everything was skewed. She really should not have come here. It had been her decision to have her stay with Yuki in the first place even if it had taken a great deal of begging to her Manager. She should have waited. She should have…Sakura stopped her train of thought when muffled voices cut through the thickness of silence that was Yuki’s apartment.

“Mayuyu please, I am so very sorry. I-I really don’t know what came over me. Ever since Sakura came to live with me here I…” She was what?! Yuki had to do something to prevent those tears that were only moments away from leaving those lovely eyes even in their hate, from falling so she figured she might as well explain herself finally. But really, what could she say? That ever since the young girl had come to live in her life somehow Yuki had lost her morality? Who was she kidding!?

“”What, you don’t know what came over you? You forgot that she was 15 years old and that you were 22! You forgot our promise!?!” That sentence was shouted with such hurt and despairing strength that Yuki was forced to take a step back to catch her balance. The promise that was made three years ago to the month swiftly flowed through her every pore as if it a part of her very being. It was, or should have been for it was a very important promise. A promise she had already broken not once but twice. A promise that she now knew meant absolutely nothing to where both were concerned.

“Mayuyu…Mayu please, I am so very sorry.” Yukirin trembled all over in complete fear for the very first time in the whole of her life. Her eyes stung and in what felt like forever, she let herself cry earnestly. She had screwed up so royally and she did not deserve any forgiveness that was why she was not saying sorry as a request for forgiveness. She was sorry for how badly she had hurt the girl before her. Even with all the anger and rage boiling on the surface of that no longer cute but beautiful face, all Yuki was aware of was the anguish, incomprehensible hurting and despair within those beautiful chocolate brown eyes. She had to do all it took to set right all those wrongs.

“No…don’t…” Mayu took a step back for every forward from Yuki. Her inner bottle was all too full and the cap was all too loose from the impossible pressure it was under. The first tear escaped the eye with the mole under it first then another a second later, then a third one from the left eye as the cap all but blew off of that bottle and into the dark void. She couldn’t do it. Mayu couldn’t keep up the charade anymore. She let her true feelings of the situation come forth.

“Mayu…” Yukirin was stunned by the emotions that played across that most familiar face before her. She had never seen Mayu so hurt before and she had never thought that face existed. It probably hadn’t and would not have existed if not for today – If not for her. This is my entire fault. I have caused this! As if they were of one body and thus Mayuyu’s feelings were now her own, Yuki collapsed to her knees in front of Mayuyu and cried like a child.

Mayu looked down at the person who had meant the world to her, the person who still meant the world to her and despite the situation they were in, Mayu felt the need to comfort Yuki overtake her. She felt the pull to kneel down and wrap her everything in a warm embrace but something stopped her. Even as Yuki crawled to get closer to Mayu, even as she brought her weak hands up to hold Mayuyu by the lower thighs as she cried out incomplete apologies words some not known to even Mayu, she resisted. As the seconds ticked by though, it was proving to be very difficult to fight the need. Mayu had to leave.

“I-I’m sorry I…I just…I have to go…” Mayuyu said as she looked off into a distant place known to neither Yuki nor Mayu herself. Mayu would not look into those eyes or else she…

“No Mayu…Please don’t…Please don’t leave me.” Yuki’s world and her mind were falling apart. This isn’t happening. Oh God please make this dream stop!

“Here…I need to-I have t-to go. I need to be-be alone.” Mayu said as she reached into her jacket’s pocket and pulled out a bundle of keys. Separating one from the bunch that was the key to Yuki’s apartment, the only other copy that existed apart from hers, Mayu placed offered it to a distraught and disbelieving Yuki.

“…!” Yuki stared open mouthed at the offered key as if it was some other-worldly thing she had seen for the very first time in her entire life. Even as tears continued to fall through the shock of what was happening, of what it all meant, Yuki just stayed there like a statue, playing silent witness to the events playing out before her very eyes.

When Yuki did not make any move to take the offered key, Mayu took matters into her own hands. She bent down and took a hold of one of Yukirin’s hands. Placing the keep in the open palm, she closed Yuki’s fingers around it for her and pulled away. Well, she tried to pull away any way but the hand that was still on her leg suddenly turned into that of steel holding her in place.

“Let go Yuki.” She said it in such a way that debated nothing. Yukirin would have let go even without the tone used for as if for, in the time she had known Mayuyu, she had never been called ‘Yuki’, just ‘Yuki’, before and most definitely not with such a tone. Not having any idea what to else to do, Yukirin let her hand loosen up then slide down slowly, towards Mayuyu’s knee then fall lifelessly to her side.


Not wishing to spend a moment more in this purgatory, Mayuyu turned on her heels and all but bolted out of the main door. She did not even spare a second closing it as she disappeared into the corridors tear drops sailing through the air after her. She had not even spent enough time in the apartment to take off her jacket but all this went un-noticed by residents of said home. Yuki stayed right where she was, eyes looking towards the door way but un-seeing. It wasn’t because of the tears though but rather because her mind was completely blank, her soul lost within that nothingness.

Having heard the last few exchanges between her Senpai, Sakura tentatively opened the door to the bedroom after a few minutes of unsettling silence.  Even though she knew that Mayu had left, Sakura poked her head out first to scan the area. When Yukirin’s form hit her field of vision though and she took in her state, Sakura all but jumped out of hiding.

“Yuki ” Sakura bellowed in alarm as she ran over to the kneeling young woman. “Yuki, are you okay?” She waved her hand in front of Yukirin’s face trying to get her attention. “Yuki…YUKI!”

“…gone…gone…” Eyes still lost in the unknown, Yukirin mumbled the same word over and over. She did not blink, her eyes still bled tears and she did not acknowledge Sakura’s presence at all but continued to murmur the same word over and over. “…gone…”

“Yuki, come on. You are scaring me!” Sakura was now shaking her shoulders but apart from causing Yukirin’s head to bop back and forth, she got nothing more from Yukirin. “Yuki, please…” But she got nothing. Sakura began to get worried and scared. What was she to do? Maybe she should go get their Managers? But there was nothing physically wrong with Yuki and telling meant having to explain things. But what could she say?

Then as she looked to the open doorway then back to Yuki and back to the door debating what to do, she heard voices of other residents out in the corridor and seemed to get closer. Sakura stood up and rushed to close the door then locked it for good measure. Leaning on it with her sight back on the girl lost, Sakura made up her mind. “I can’t let anyone let alone the managers see her like this.”

But then what?! What exactly was she to do? It was a really bad time for Yuki to break down so. Not only did they have a performance in less than twelve hours but Sakura doubted that Yuki would be okay even given a week, maybe not even a month. So even if they called off tomorrow sick, that would not solve anything. They were in deep trouble.

“What should I do?” Sakura asked of the lost young woman who looked to the world like just another little to Sakura right then. She had never seen let alone imagined her Idol, her lover…her love, would ever have such an existence within herself. Sakura was scared and so very lost.


“YUKI” Her fear sky-rocketing, Sakura dashed to Yuki’s side. She had slumped forward with her face kissing the floor and her arms lying lifeless at her sides.  Sakura fearing for the worst quickly flipped Yuki’s head in her direction and bent down to place her right ear right next to Yukirin’s nose. The sound of breathing and the hot air hitting her pinna sent a wave of relief flowing through her whole being.  She sat back on her hunches and fought to bring her breathing and heart rate back to normal. As her heartbeat slowed down to normal so did her mind calm down enough for her to starting having useful thoughts. First things first…

She shouldn’t really leave Yuki in the position that she was laying in. Not only wasn’t it healthy but they really needed to sleep. Maybe Yuki will be better after some sleep and they can decide on what to do but right now, they need to sleep.

Sakura first repositioned Yuki so she was lying straight on her back. As she watched her, Sakura’s hear sunk to see that even in her unconsciousness, Yuki was not at ease. Her brows furrowed and her breathing would spike up now and then. Sakura wished she knew how to make everything right for Yuki.

“I am so sorry…” Sakura said to Yuki even though she knew the words would fall on deaf ears. Sniffling to hold her tears at bay, Sakura struggled to get Yuki’s limbs around her so that she could lift them up and get Yuki to the bedroom. It wasn’t easy but after three or four minutes, Yuki was lying face up on top of the bed covers with a breathless Sakura sprawled on the floor besides the bed trying to get air in her lungs.

When she was good enough to stand, Sakura helped Yuki get under the covers after getting her shoes off. She watched Yuki’s face for a good while before going off to the closet to change into her pyjamas. When she was done, Sakura made her way back to the bed and under the covers. She lay on her side and continued to watch Yuki’s wet and troubled face. Tears fell from her eyes as she witnessed this wrongness and the inevitability of the distance that was sure to come between them now after things had been going so well.

Scouting closer to Yuki, Sakura embraced her as closely as she could, trying to offer as much support as she could even though Yuki was not aware of what was going on. Sakura did not know what the future had in store for them or what their relationship would end up being after the night’s happenings but she knew one truth after everything. The truth escaped her not just through her lips, but through her mind, body and soul.

“I love you.”







Author: Black Gekikara

Love, Eat and sleep Yuri Hail Yukirin, Batman and Zack Snyder Long Live Horror

9 thoughts on “Fic–Disillusion [Yukirin/Sakura-tan and Mayuyu)

  1. Black-san…….. I don’t even know what to think right now……….

  2. It’s so strange…….

    I like read your many fic you wrote. So why don’t you write Mayu – Yuki – Rena????

    • Thanks for always reading.
      As to why I have not yet written any Yukirin/Rena / Mayuyu fic yet, it’s because the situation has not called for it yet.
      My fics may not be the best but I don’t just dish them out there. There is always a reason behind them and I just haven’t found one yet for the three.
      I am looking for one though and I was counting on this month’s AKB to XX episode but alas, we were cheated on again.

  3. Somehow…somehow…This reminds me of a dream I had…
    Speaking of fiction… My SutoPani x AKB48 series has reached part 3, one left to conclude chapter 1. Link below:

    I’ve placed a comment box there, hope to read from you soon! Also I placed a link to your blog on my site!
    I am expecting you to read it!

  4. but sakura has grown up now.. and now I’m able to ship sakura x Jurina.. so cute… one fic of them ? https://wordpress5218.wordpress.com/2016/02/22/dance-7-nogizaka-akb-jurina-x-sakura-ft-4846-g/

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