百合 Goggles

Yukirin Is Love. Yuri Is Life!


Finally. FINALLY! A Yukirin Dream!

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Thank you Lord for this precious gift you have given that I will forever be grateful for. Thank you for finally giving me the chance to dream about Yukirin! Seriously after all these years of dreaming about any other girl other than Yukirin has been driving me nuts! But all that ends today for I have finally had one last night!

Now of course as with all dreams, everything is fuzzy already but there is no way I am going to just forget about a dream about Yukirin! No frikkin way! It doesn’t even matter that it wasn’t the kind of dream that anyone would want about their Oshi (you know which dreams I mean ^_-) but then again, all 48G dreams I’ve had have been SFW except one, and that wasn’t that out there as well. So really, I have no complaints whatsoever.

Beside,s this dream finally confirmed my suspicions about a person being able to influence their own dreams, in that they can have a a bit of a say in what kind of dream they will be having. In my case it was actually my environment than anything else personally that had an influence on this dream. That environment being the Yukirin World!

What am I talking about? Well, have a sit. Before I begin I have to get it out first that I have absolutely no idea who I was in this dream! Judging from the setting, which was a backstage for an AKB event, I had to be one of the members (body-walking?) I mean with Souchan herself there to greet me there is no way it would have been me. Maybe it was and I was a member of the family? Either way I was no stranger because of what I got to do and get away with.

So any way, I walk in there as some important person or someone the members know well. For some reason I am already looking for Yukirin so I have to have been close to her. But judging from the conversation to be heard later this can’t be. And I am getting side-tracked again.

But on course, I am looking for Yukirin. I stumble in Souchan first who points me in the right direction. For some un-godly reason she was in the kitchen preparing food!(Like, whoaaaa) I greet her but my glee dies when I see her face and also having heard her less- than- Yukirin reply. She looks so bad, so depressed, so un-like Yukirin! So of course I ask her what anyone would, I ask her what is wrong.

She of course does not answer right away but I have the patient of turtle so I wait. When she is done, which now turns out it was a boxed meal, she turns slowly and look at me. The pain in her face totally slashes my heart into so many pieces that a shattered diamond would be jealous! I walk closer to her dying to hold her and comfort her but I stop myself. I have to know what is the problem before I can start to get down to the bottom of it, right?

My Goddess doesn’t let me down, she looks me straight in the eye and gives me this strange look and says to me like it should be common knowledge to me (which thinking of now it really should be but it still isn’t!) and she asks me, don’t I know? She says that everyone is talking about. That they are asking where she was in the PV for the latest single!

Upon hearing that my heart stops cold! But my mind is losing it as it battles with itself trying to make sense of what this could all mean but not wanting to believe that it could happen! That Yukirin would not me in a PV for a single whose cast she is a part of! In my disbelief I begin to back away and taking that the wrong way my Goddess’s strength that that she had left all leaves her as she looks down and then begins shaking and before I even realise it, she is already crying!

It takes me a moment to get my mind back to the present then in a second  I am next to her with absolute zero distance between us, my arms around her, crushing her to me, trying to absorb all her negative feelings. She cries harder, I hear Souchan shuffling behind us (she was still there!?!) but I ignore her. Yukirin cries even harder! I am frikking scared out of my mind! I never thought I would see this Yukirin! I have absolutely no idea what I should do. I finally give in and turn back to Takamina but she has disappeared!!!(Thanks a lot Souchan!) I am now fighting my own tears, it’s futile!

But there is no way I am going to let Yukirin know I am crying to I silently swallow my tears. My throat feels like a cat’s with a hairball stuck inside! Common sense leaves me as I lift Yukirin off her feet, hold her up by her bottom as she wraps her legs around me hips. Secured I begin to walk around the corridors as I rock her up and down like she was a baby. Where I got the strength to do that I have absolutely no idea so do not even ask!

All while through her tears and us just walking around corridors that were empty for some reason (thank you dream logic) Yukirin is voicing her troubles, her worries, worries that we fans all know so well! I do nothing but trying to tell her that everything is okay (Really? I am ashamed of myself for myself)! Finally, what seems like forever, we find ourselves in a room that is occupied this time. Souchan is of course there, like how she knew we would be stopping in this room is beyond me but any way, she is in the room we stop in but she is not alone, French Kiss is there too (Souchan, this is your doing, isn’t it?! You sneaky little…ahem!)

Once inside, I greet Mocchi and Akichan and once they see the mess we are both in they quickly rush over to us and help me set Yukirin down. I let them have her while I get myself together. She has stopped crying by now but she is still hiccupping like all hell! Her face is such a mess but she gives it zero attention. She doesn’t even raise a hand to wipe her tears. Akichan has to take out a handkerchief to do it for her.

When she has slowed down with those un-nerving noises, Mocchi finally asks what was wrong. (Thank God, I wasn’t the only one oblivious). Yukirin doesn’t answer and neither do I when Mocchi glances towards my direction. I am not feeling like talking too. Takamina has to step in and fills the girls in of what’s what.

There is silence at first after Souchan talks, well, silence in disregard for the hiccupping going on in the room. Akichan wanting to change the mood a little bit jokes about Yukirin finally getting nerve-touched by management and finally giving into her real feelings. She thinks of course that Yukirin is frustrated for herself and she would be justified were it any other girl but this is Yukirin, all her thoughts are on her fans. Mocchi seems to get it too for she touches Akichan’s shoulder and tells her as it is. We are back to silence again.

Then out of nowhere Yukirin’s voice fills the room as she talks and asks what she is going to do. What she is going to tell her fans at the next fan meeting. She says it is all her fault. that her negligence of the matter that her fans have been talking to her about every single time has caused this. That if only she had listened and properly showed how negatively…


Yes, that’s a slap! A slap to Yukirin’s cheek. A slap that was delivered my me! I ain’t even having no regrets!  I totally slapped my Goddess! Everyone looks at me like I was a frikking ghost or something but I totally ignore them! i furiously turn to Yukirin and let lose on her! The exact words escape me but it was me going on and on about her being herself and all that and also touching on how this isn’t new because surely she is the PV at least once, surely and that this is not the first time she has been mistreated like this. She then goes to say hoe this is different, how at least in the other singles she was on the second line or 3rd and I swear to you guys I was so mad at her I slapped her three more times!

I had also had enough! She totally started it so I also went all out. I went on to tell her how it makes no frikkin difference whether she is no the second line or the very last. She is No3 in the whole of the 48G, which makes her No.2 in AKB alone which means she has to be right next to Mayuyu in any formation. Which means she had to be right next to Acchan and to Yuko and to Sashiko not any fucking where else! So does it make a difference?! It fucking does not! I think I totally showed the villain that AKS is in my very big rant. Souchan sure seemed very attentive so I guess something was about to be done , probably, hopefully! I sure did a number on that AKS let me tell you. I even brought up Sakura and Kagoshima too but of course after I gave a speech on how much I love her too so as for Yukirin not to hate me.

Yeah, I totally chewed her out on that let me assure you! I am pretty sue she got the message! But of course it wasn’t all fire. I am also pretty sure AKS in this world is totally screwed! Oh, also during my speech about Sakura, I touched a bit on that little subject of Yukirin and Sakura ignoring each other. You won’t believe the reaction she gave at that! let me just say that we were right on the money in regards to that subject.

Then some other things happened but they couldn’t have been important seeing as I don’t remember them but any way, there you have it. My first ever dream about Yukirin and it is about…

Damn you AKS! Or maybe I should thank you for how else would have have dreamed about my Goddess?!

And yeah, I haven’t watched the preview of the PV for Refrain and frankly after this dream, I am frikking scared out of my mind to watch it! Forget the fact that Acchan is in it, I am so not ready to watch this! Not until I get concrete evidence of Yukirin presence!Na-uh! No way José!

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More Dream Talk


That’s right, another idol dream last night!

Don’t ask me. I don’t know myself what’s going on lately. I mean it’s not like I just got into idols but the sudden increase in dream frequency is kinda disturbing.

I mean, I only started having idol dreams last year and I only had ONE that year. It was my first ever (Ooh) and it was about Minegishi Minami. (Is it a sign?).

This year started off easy, without any dreams in the first three months. Then they started falling like the eighth plague on Egypt. Seriously, I have dreamt of almost my favourite idol groups by now in this year alone.

Last night was a unique one, in more than one way.

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