And it’s still hot as all heaven!
Just giving you all a heads up in case you missed it in cinemas.
Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to re-watch this every day for the next week, starting…now!
Alright dear Readers, it’s time!
And no, your eyes are not deceiving you, Kelsey and Kelsey (AKA Jodes) just took priority over Ammille! Yep, this is not gonna end well!
WARNING: Pissed off post ahead! Tread with caution!
Forgive me dear Readers, I am still trying to process this movie! Those damn first ten minutes are still stuck in my head and I bet you they will for the rest of the week! Definitely lack of sleep tonight!
Like, I literally still don’t even know where to begin!
Maybe we should start at the beginning? Because the surprises hit me from the very get go before the movie even started! All the way back to the title card, you know, the one with the signature and rating for the movie on it?
Actually, forget that, we need to go even farther back in time! Let’s skip a day back and there I was, looking up show times for The Nun movie – a movie that I saw yesterday and loved it by the way in case you don’t follow me on twitter! But anyway, as I went to get my tickets, lo and behold, I see a title I wasn’t at all expecting to make it into my life anytime this decade – The Miseducation of Cameron Post!
I couldn’t believe my eyes! I only had plans, and time, to watch only one movie this weekend but you know what the deal is! Yuri is Love, Yuri is Life! Anything, no matter what it is, takes a backseat when it comes to yuri! And so I went and saw the movie today…
Like I said, I was surprised from the very title card of the movie when the rating showed a cool indigo 16! 16 is pretty high rating for Ireland and if it is for this type of movie, there can only be one reason for it! But I was skeptical! I mean come the hell on, this is Chloe Grace Morez we are talking about here! I was thinking this because for some reason I thought she was way young than she actually is, which is 21!
Yeah, our Kick Girl is already 21! How they grow up so fast….
Anyway, even with the age thing aside, this is still Chloe! There is no way I thought she would be in a scene that is rated 16! And it had to be her, the book is all her so that 16 rated scene, which had to be a sex scene, had to involve her!
Girl, was I in for a major schooling!
I think I am losing touch with reality these days because I have been shocked by many things lately to count! I am still shooketh from what Rachel Weisz and Rachel McAdams did in their sex scenes in Disobedience!!!!! I know I shouldn’t have been. You all know my rap sheet when it comes to movies! The HANDMAIDEN is my favorite lesbian movie for crying out loud!
Anyway, back to the movie at hand, I was so shocked, still shocked by the make out scenes that I completely forgave (still hasn’t sunk in yet maybe) the movie for its many, many digressions! And they are some big digressions, on the surface anyway! Actually let’s start from those…
First I need to confess that I only stopped at page 207 of the book. This is in the middle of Cameron and Coley relationship! Before this there had been two already, the first with her childhood best friend, whom she did everything first with and loved her so much I couldn’t help but also love her most. That was Irene! Their relationship ended after Cameron’s parents died! They got split, with Irene moving!
This whole section, my favorite in the book, was not in the movie! Her parents were not in the movie! Irene was not in the movie! She wasn’t even mentioned, or even a picture, FFS! But I understand. Cameron and Irene were like not even in junior high yet so I understand…I try to understand!
The second relationship, where things really get super steamy with Lindsey, the wild out of town girl that released the beast that lies within Cameron, that was also not in the movie! We are talking about a quarter of the book here already! A 400-something pages of a book!!!! And it’s not those big letter books! No, this is the legit, spend more than a few seconds on the page type of book!
Then we come to the third girl, the girl that actually stirs Cameron’s heart almost as deep as Irene did! They have the longest relationship out of the three! This relationship goes on until the part where the movie starts when Cameron is sent to rehab for her gayness disease! This is half way through the book we are talking about here!
The movie started from halfway through the book!!!
Ah but we are not even done yet! The movie does not finish up the book! That’s right, even the last arc for Cameron with her two friends she meets in Rehab (Adam and Jane) doesn’t get to be finished!!!!
I knew this leaving the theater even without finishing the book and when I got home and looked through the book I was like…what…!
You know those make out scenes in the trailers? That was Coley, played by Quinn Shepard. A girl I was surprised to find that had already made a Directorial debut and that critics ate up her first movie at screenings! She is 23 years old!!!!
Anyway, those scenes were of Coley and Cameron. That was the relationship I am in the middle of reading in the book! But even those were scarce! We started out with them and then we got some flashbacks and they were the best damn scenes in the whole movie and probably what everyone wanted to see out of the whole book to be turned into the movie! I don’t even care for the clichéd ending I would have preferred that to what we got to be the primary story!
But despite those bad decision, they did make it up for in what they ended up doing for that Rehab story! In the book, as I screened through the latter pages to confirm my suspicions, I stumbled upon some disturbing scenes like Cameron making out with Adam, Adam a gay guy, who went to rehab for his gayness, made out with Cameron, a gay girl, who went to rehab for her lesbianism!
Thankfully there was no such tomfoolery in the movie!
But on the other side of that sword, we did not get any Jane (the girl with the braids in the trailer) and Cameron action either so…Oh well, I guess you win some, you lose some!
So you see, I have plenty to hate on this movie but I am still reeling from the shock of those delicious, delicious, Cameron/Coley scenes!
Oh! My! God!
I mean, you don’t get to see Chloe’s…anything but I am still shooketh that she was in those scenes anyway! Even if she did not show off, she still fondled and sucked on sexy, sexy Quinn’s boobs, got fingered, twice, and made sounds that are going to keep me awake for a good few nights…doing….stuff…um…to my….self
I haven’t felt this so out of touch with my body in cinema since The HAMDMAIDEN! You would think I was 14 years old again seeing me in that theater! Like, seriously, I am embarrassed of myself reacting that way! Like, it’s dark, it’s not like anyone would even see my face but I kept hiding it for some reason!
God dear Readers, if this is coming out in your cinemas, you gotta watch it! It is definitely going into my collection! The movie as a whole sucks ass (if you have read the book) but damn, those Coley moments are so worth it!
Though I have a feeling many are going to hate on her! In fact I think I might when I finish reading her arc in the book too but I will have those movie scenes to hold my hate back, I just know it!
God, I can’t wait to own this on Bluray! Actually, since I have Unlimited, I might revisit it on the big screen again soon!
Anyway, ja Continue reading →
This was me in the first ten minutes…
This was also me during the credits…Still thinking about those first ten minutes
Let me gather my thoughts…
And I am not even done yet!
There’s still a lot missing from my collection including the Japanese Version, Taiwan Version, the American Version and so many others from the looks of that special arts book that came with my #PlainArchive purchase, which showcases all the covers and posters of The HANDMAIDEN from around the world!
I gotta catch’em all!
Now dear Reader, that is love for THE HANDMAIDEN!
Here is a vid of Ammille from Sharp Objects! The fact that it exists can only mean one thing – I am very happy with the ending! So happy in fact that I forgive the series the shenanigans it was pulling in the last few episodes, even messing up my kiss! Still bitter but I can forgive!
And so I was so happy that I couldn’t stop myself from making a video of it. Fear not though, this doesn’t mean that I won’t be making a post. Oh I will! I still need to vent!
But for now, enjoy….
I am pissed! I am royally pissed!! I am so very pissed off right now!!!
Yes, I know! This is the opposite of what I should be feeling after seeing this week’s Sharp Objects! I should be rejoicing! I should be on cloud nine! I should be celebrating Sharp Objects as the greatest show of this year, nay, one of the greatest shows I’ve ever seen!
But I am not!
I should have seen this coming, now that I think about it! There seems to have been a shift somewhere, I can’t put my finger on it! But there was something that changed about this show! There is a sign that I ignored, actually it was the reason why I have not posted about episodes 4 and 5 but this is not the post for raging!
That post is coming soon when I get my hands on a high quality version of episode 6. And so while you all wait, just so that you are not confused about my sudden face-heel-turn, having not read the book but having been watching the show, below after the jump are some excerpts from my beloved ‘Rolling Roulette’ part in the book!
I urge you to please read these excerpts carefully! Take every sentence in. Draw the scenes out in your mind. Then read again as you do that. See the absolute undiluted lesbianism in these scenes.
Read these then think of the episode.
Then wait for my reaction and reason why I feel like getting piss-drunk right now, binge every TV show that I have in collection and just about forget what I have just been witness to!
SPOILER: Do whatever the fuck you want to the story but fucking with my yuri is where you’re fuckin cancelled! You hear me show runners!!?!!