Meet Darth Vada (dark haired and played by Jenna Ortega) and Princess Mia (brunette and played by Maddie Ziegler)!
I call our Protag Darth Vada because first, her name is Vada (and it pronounced just like Vader so year) and second, she totally uses the force to suck life out of those around her though instead of lightsabers and magic tricks (feh) she uses her mouth and lips.
My type of force user right there, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Jokes aside, this is a serious film, well, its subject is a serious topic about school shootings and our characters are in High School and about sixteen (going with our main character’s age). The film follows Lord Vada (not gonna stop now) as she goes through the Fallout (roll credits) of the incident and those close to her!
Along with her, we have our other girl in Princess Mia (seriously, the comparisons write themselves), who is an Instar and of course as expect hot as hell and making all the other classmates look like they were still in Primary School, but I am getting side-tracked here!
In addition we have two guys, one best friend of Lord Vada and tots gay and the other, I call Mr.Q, and he is kind of lovable and was with Lord Vada and Princess Mia in the bathroom when the shooting was happening at their school.
I was almost this close to hating Mr.Q and giving him the name we have come to know as the Guy character name on this blog (PS: We call Guys around here Dick, as in short for Richard, you psycho!) and that moment was when Lord Vada went to kiss him after she had kissed Princess Mia and damn, I was ready to throw her down an endless space shaft at that moment, like, how dare you?!!! I understand you are in a very bad state of mind right now but come the fuck on!!! Thankfully Mr.Q was the wise Dude that never was in these situations when he totally shut her down! For his punishment we never get to here from him again (Ouch!)
The story of the movie and point I guess, is to show us what happens to those that go through something like that! Like, I can’t even imagine what I would do but chances are I would totally be like Lord Vada, to scared of my shadow or even to turn the lights off at home! Though I most definitely wouldn’t do drugs, no, that is the one thing I will never do, drugs and excessive drinking! Never!
For a surprise ending there is no HAPPY END here (no I don’t mean that someone dies, well, someone does but that is a whole different conversation). What I mean by BAD END is that Lord Vada does not overcome her trauma that revied from that incident, and the relapse comes full force right at the end when she sees another alert on her news feed about there having been another shooting in another High School!
It was a sombre ending that nearly ended me because for a second there I thought that Princess Mia, the one Lord Vada had been waiting for outside, was one of the victims but then I remembered that Princess Mia wasn’t at school but rather at dance lessons and I breathed a little easier thought it was still weighty because that’s another time the Princess would be left out in the dark wondering if she had done something wrong again!
But again, just as usual, we are not here to talk about the story but rather, our girls and first things first, I have to let you all know right now that never have I ever, in my whole media consumption life, never have I ever seen someone glass at another lips as many times as Lord Vada did towards Princess Mia’s, just before they made out and then had sex! I usually watch these scenes once through without pausing, then I go back and literally watch 5 frames by 5 frame as I make my captures and I can assure you I lost count!
Yes, these two totally had sex, which was a shocker to me as it was Lord Vada’s mother, when she confessed, in a scene that was seriously funny because while Mom was still reeling from learning that not only was her daughter of 16, who led a kind of sheltered life (or so Mom thought), was doing drugs and drinking but that she had had sex! And while poor Mom was still trying to process that information Lord Vada just goes and says “Oh you don’t have to worry, the person I had sex with was with a girl so no fear of getting pregnant or anything”
It was 3am and I literally burst out laughing, because my shock had worn off previous when she first mentioned that she in fact did have sex with some that morning she came back home drunk!
Of course they don’t show us this, you know, the characters being High Schooler and all that (Tell that to Euphoria).
To be fair though, their making out sure looked like it was definitely going to end into some smexing so I kind of believe even though Lord Vada didn’t look like someone who would have sex to tell the truth! Then again, she was a little drunk and a little high (Princess Mia was the supplier, believe it or not!)
Speaking of Princess Mia, she has two Dads! That and her so being in love with Lord Vada, and Lord Vada (thought she kissed Mr.Q too) in addition to Lord Vada’s friend who is also gay, there were a lot of gays in this movie now that I think about it! Which is usually not good because it makes me sceptical since surely the writers would make the main characters gay when we have supporting gay characters? And indeed that was a fear I had watching this because I thought that there might be no way that Lord Vada and Princess Mia would happen! And then there was Mr.Q who was 101 being setup as Dick but as I said, he was a gentleman who said ‘No’ and sacrificed for the sake of our Lord and Saviour the Goddess of Yuri!
And speaking of that fear, it reared its head when the eye-sexing started and I couldn’t help but shout in my head for Princess Mia not to do it! For her to not be the one that makes the first move! I was scared that shit would go sideways pretty fast because like I said, Lord Vada was a little drunk and stoned and probably not aware of the signs she was sending when she asked the Princess what was on her mind and the mood was so ripe for a kiss, a kiss that would be misplaced when the Princess makes the mistake and kisses Lord Vada, only for the dark force Lord to turn away and thus making things super seriously awkward!
I was like, please Princess Mia, please for the love of all that is gay let Lord Vada make the first move! That was literally my prayer during that scene and let me tell you all right now, the Goddess of Yuri is real and she is listening because just as my fists were near white from the force with which I held them together praying, Lord Vada did indeed make the first move!
I was literally on cloud nine! My neighbours will be coming knocking soon I am sure of it!
Seriously, you have no idea how happy I was in that moment! These things rarely happen, but they do! Sometimes I just sit in front of the screen and pray for something to happen, or not happen and as if the Goddess was right outside my window spying on me, the character do or don’t do what I either do want them to do or don’t want them to do!
Last night was one of those moments and I feel so happy, let me tell ya all!
Seriously though, I wasn’t expecting anything from this serious to actually happen. I just had hope, because for two people, well, three as Mr.Q was there to but he came towards the end, for two people to ne together at the moment where they think their lives were about ot end, that changes things and my hope was for that change to happen and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised that we actually got where we got hence why I am even writing about this!
I love Mia so much! I call her Princess because she is virtually opposite of what you would expect from a character like her! She is a super example of where nurture rules over nature and I have no doubt it was because of her Dads that she is such a Saint, God, even the title Princess sounds kind of belittling of her character!
I was ready to drop Lord Vada like I said, when she totally bailed on the Princess right the morning after!! Like, I understand she was a bit shook but to just leave like that? And then commencing to totally ignore the Princess’s texts?!! I was about to Lord Palpatine her ass!
But thankfully the two made up and while they had the ‘let’s not destroy our friendship talk’ they totally are going to do it again, especially given that Mr.Q was totally forgotten about after his trap card (seriously , major points for that Mr.Q) and they were still doing the lovey dovey texting after wards, they are so getting into Girlfriends mode! And let’s not forget that Mom hasn’t met this ‘Mia’ yet! And I was so looking forward to seeing Little Sis Amanda’s reaction to finding out that her Sis had sex with a girl and speaking of Amanda, totally the best Imouto that side of the seas has to offer to battle the East! She is just so…
Now, while I wasn’t expecting anything to work out between Lord Vada and Princess Mia, that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t shipping them like crazy! All the way from the trailer to the first scene of them in the school bathroom, I was all over them!
“You don’t even need to wear makeup” Like, really?!!
And there was this moment they went out on a night out and they did a thing where I was 100% certain they would not get over from without some side effects and damn am I glad I was right! They really had some cute scenes together that even if they hadn’t gone the full mile, I would have shipped them regardless! But of course, they did!
“Spitting Distance” is the name of the game!
Speaking of going that extra mile, it was actually the first-time having sex for the two of them, as we found out in an earlier convo where Lord Vada so forwardly asked Princess Mia, with assumption, when she had lost her virginity. No, our Princess had never had sex before, to the shock of us both, like, their school must be filled with blind Dudes!
I totally recommend this and it’s on HBOMax or HBO Go whichever you have available (or the interwebs for the Initiated) so go check it out. But be warned, it does have some uncomfortable themes like I already mentioned so if you are super queasy, take care!
And with that, I bid thee a great Friday!