Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a Disney movie!
This movie is…This movie is…
No, I cant do it! The Lord is testing me! I just know it! If I say it I am not sure if I fail or pass! But I want to tell the truth! But is it really the truth? If I say it, even if I do not believe it, most who believe in the curse of ‘Yuri Goggles’ will think I suffered the same fate. Something which is absolutely not true! But I am compelled to tell it as it is so here we go.
Brace thy selves!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this movie is…This movie is actually…
THIS MOVIE IS NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KNOW, OKAY?!! I KNOW!!!
Now that that is out of the way, let’s talk GAYNESS of our evil successors of The Evil Queen – Evie (Blue) and Maleficent – Mal (Purple)…
First up, the number four! You know what this number reps? That’s how many times that Mal stared at Evie’s lips in the whole movie!! Three of those four times all happened in the scene where they sang a love song to one another!
Seriously, you have to watch this movie with subtitles because that song was so gay I want to both kick Disney in the teeth and at the same time kiss them because they do not practice what they preach, with their confidence messages and being one self and yet they never actually give us the gay. But also I want to give them a kiss because they give frikkin KyoAni a run for their money when it comes to frikking subtext, or as the kids these days call it – yuri-baiting!
Seriously, Evie is really a descendant of the Evil Queen! She is so evil the evil pours out of her being seducing Mal to the end of time and beyond! Really, the girl had to engage to quench the thirst! And even then she failed miserably but I am jumping the gun here!
Those lyrics…I am sorry but get out of here with your straight bullcrap! Seriously dear Readers, you need to watch this with subs! If anyone wants the lyrics, I can write them down for your later. I wanted to but I am on limited time so I can’t right now!
Seriously, this whole song was freaking gay it was laughable! Someone on Twitter was calling this the gayess thing Disney has ever done and since something like Frozen exists out there, I can’t agree but I do agree this being up there too!
The whole song was so gay! It was just the two of them! it was insinuating not being able to be with the one you love because circumstances, which is what is so implied here and you can almost taste the forbidden love between them but Mal has to marry the King because society! But come now Disney, these are bad girls, they can break all the rules they can right? I guess not!
And so Evie gives up her love for the greater good but before that there is this scene that has an obvious missing clip cut in between just as the sing is done. Here it is…
Damn you Disney!!!! I want my deleted scene, you hear me? I want it!!
Like, how can you even look at that and think to yourself…Nah, no gay here! All I see are straight people!
Like, get out of here you blind person you!
And we are not even done yet!
Look at this GAY! Just look at it! That is supposed to be Mal being engaged (More like wedding) to someone! Look at these caps and tell me that someone is none other than Evie!!
Somehow the crown, somehow along the way, the crown went from being on Mal’s head and then onto Evie’s! Like, when did that even happen I do not know! In fact they are even the same crowns! But the actual princess, Evie (daughter of The Evil Queen) having the crown by the end, not only that but seemingly the first and last dances with her Waifu Mal, can it all be a coincidence?
God, even when I thought Disney had grown some balls and had actually gone through with dumping a Princess in front of everyone when the prince came out with Uma I was ready to get on my knees and worship the new god that is Disney!
I mean, just look at how good Evie is at taking care of Mal? And are we just going to ignore how Mal did not even shed a tear right after being shamed in front of everyone? Like, that was so not the reaction appropriate here, especially given her real nature!
True Love, my ass!
Here is true love! Someone who knows the real you! Someone who takes care of you when you need them and when you do not! Someone who will stick with you through it all. Someone who will sing a love song with you! Someone who will make you feel like cannibal, the way you want to devour her lips right then and there, any time of any day!
That is true love!
Damn it all Disney!
I don’t know whether to kiss you or to kill you! And it looks like that is still one quandary I will not an answer for! I mean not even KyoAni is anywhere this good! This is some high level subtexting going on here! Like, Mal and the prince did not even kiss! Seriously, Mal was more intimate with Evie through the movie than she was with her so called True Love!
Well, if this is what True Love is, screw that! I don’t want none of it!
Go, I still can’t believe this is not gay!
And there is a sequel coming! I sure hope someone at Disney is growing up as the time passes too because compared to the first movie, that sequel better scale perfectly in terms of GAYNESS or true evil descendants will rise!
That-that doesn’t mean that I am one of them. Nah uh!