You are a virgin to FEELs if you haven’t seen Jin Jin!

First of all, thank you so very very much dear YuRiAnDo. It is because of you that I got to know about this wonderful, wonderful, bitter-sweet KBS special. Yes, I do indeed lurk at your site as well, in case you were wondering (kukuku) and so when I fell upon this post of yours, I kept the special in my mind and went out searching for the best quality of it possible. It took me some time (this is a 2013 special so finding working links was hard) but I finally got it and then watched it and…

Oh My God!

I am telling you all now dear Readers, if you haven’t watched this special yet, you don’t know what a tragic character is! You don’t know what a BAD-END is! You have not felt for a character like you will the two ladies in this one! You will never want to hate a villain so much like you will Ha-jin and yet feel for her so much more than any other character in the same story, yes, even Yoo-jin. Forget Romeo and Juliet, those two’s life is a Kids’ bedtime story compared to Ha-jin and Yoo-jin’s story.

God!

This is the first time I remember as an adult crying myself to sleep! It was earlier than I usually go to bed but once Jin Jin ended, I just gave up and went to sleep, eyes leaking, nose running, like I was a kid after being hit for misbehaving and sent to my room to brood. I was out of purpose! This special really hit me hard. Which makes me super ashamed to think that it has taken me three whole years to know about this! How did I miss it?!

I don’t even know how approach this. Seriously, I have no idea! Maybe I should start by saying that, if you haven’t watched this special yet, get to it! if you can’t find it YuRiAnDo has a youtube link. If you want it with subs, I can MF the one I have with the soft-subs that go with it. You need this special in you life dear Reader! You are going to appreciate the notion of BAD-END/WORST END/TRAGIC-END after this drama special. And finally, you are going to be reduced to your five year old self after watching this!

First of all let’s talk about the characters of Ha-jin and Yoo-jin. I am really surprised at how well their life was represented in such a short amount of time. In the span of 1hr 10min I felt so connected to Ha-jin and Yoo-jin you would think this was a serial drama that has ran for seven seasons or something! Their life was ‘there’! it is perhaps due to the actresses skills or perhaps the great story-telling or both but either way, I was blown away!

At first glance you are inclined to be behind Yoo-jin, because she was the victim here. And I mean that both figuratively and literally. Literally because she is a homicide victim. The special opens with her dead body for crying out loud (Sorry for the spoiler)! And also figuratively because let’s be honest here, Ha-jin was just a bitch to Yoo-jin, when you look at things on the surface. Also she is the one that killed Ha-jin (again, sorry for the spoilers but it’s been three years!).

With that thought one is inclined to side with Yoo-jin, and some because she is our lesbian so of course we would be on her side. I was the same in the beginning! By the end, I was no so much! Not because the Mother Teresa image of Yoo-jin was shattered or because Ha-jin’s character was all a lie but rather, the progression of the story changed my view on these two characters! Yoo-jin was still too good for this world by the end of the story and Ha-jin did indeed kill Yoo-jin, and no, this was not a mercy killing! It was as cold-blooded as they come! So why?!

Both Ha-jin and Yoo-jin had a pretty terrible life in their younger days, Yoo-jin more so than Ha-jin. Ha-jin’s problems were more psychological than Yoo-jin’s physical ones. Yoo-jin’s father was a drunkard and he used to beat her a lot. Sometimes she even slept out in the cold and seeing her being scared out of her life, jumping in terror at a mere sound in the distance, was really heart-breaking to say the least. Meanwhile Ha-jin’s mother worked at a night club and really, which high school girl wants anyone to find out that their mother worked at a club? No one that’s who! Worse still, though I am not sure if Ha-jin herself knew this, or it was just Yoo-jin, but there is this pervy teacher who was always harassing Ha-jin in school (much to Yoo-jin’s fury) that actually as it turns out was also involved with Ha-jin’s own mother!

The very definition of a beast!

Ah but that was not all! What I have described so far is medium level hurting compared to what’s coming! Starting with Ha-jin, due to un-controllable events, she ended up killing her own mother. No, she did not personally do it but it was as a result of something she had done. You see, the group of friends came together to decide on how to punish the teacher for what he is doing to Ha-jin. Yoo-jin suggests a blackmail letter but they don’t go through with it because Ha-jin turned out down, at first anyway. Later we find out that one of the boys actually did write it but then Ha-jin switched that written letter with her own, which though we do not know the contents of, must have affected the teacher worse than they had thought because he committed suicide in his car, with Ha-jin’s mother inside!!!

Yep! That went and happened! In case you can’’t think of how badly Ha-jin felt about that, let me tell you. She tried multiple times to kill herself! That is how affected she was. But there is more to this as well will see later when it comes to her other ‘kill’. When her mother died, the two were not on speaking terms. This was only on Ha-jin’s side though. her mother still loved her dearly. She would always leave messages asking Ha-jin if she was okay. Wanting to speak with her daughter. Ha-jin lost her mother while she though her daughter hated her. Ha-jin lost her mother without apologising and letting her know that she loved her as well.

Meanwhile on the other side of things, Yoo-jin, in addition to having a shitty life life, always living in fear and pain, all kinds of pain including mental, emotional and physical pain from domestic violence, God was like ‘Nah, you haven’t suffered enough! let me throw in more physical pain with some lung cancer in there. You will love that, won’t you?’! Like, how much suffering can one person have in their live?! And yet despite all that, despite how bleak her happiness is, when you add in the side of her love life, despite everything Yoo-jin still remained good. She succeeded when she became a great young writer.

Back to Ha-jin, there is more pain. There has to be in order to rival Yoo-jin’s lung cancer, am I right? They are a ship and thus they have to be equal in order to qualify as soul-mates! That includes their suffering being equal! So what could possibly be equal to Yoo-jin’s suffering? Ha-jin was not sick. She did not have some deadly disease so how can she compete? Well, here is how. Actually there is something I forgot to add. To Ha-jin, Yoo-jin was a villain. She came into her life and messed it up. She stole her friendship, her first love, her thoughts, she stole her very life from her. Ha-jin never saw Yoo-jin as anything else. Which is sad because despite all that, Yoo-jin only saw Ha-jin as one thing – her love.

Anyway getting back on point, in addition to that, the worst happens in the current time-line. Even worse it happens after Yoo-jin contacts them after 10 years of silence (the four friends had not seen each other since the letter incident). Ha-jin who was weeks pregnant, gets a miscarriage. I am not sure if there is a connection but it was after she  ate the ‘sweets’ that Dude1 gave her. Was that the cause of the miscarriage? Ah but that’s not all. At this time in their lives Dude1 and Ha-jin were going steady and I think the baby was his too. We also know that to Ha-jin, Yoo-jin was in love with Dude1 and really, they showed that so well that even we viewers got confused sometimes. I swear, at one point I thought there was something between Yoo-jin and Dude1 but  there was nothing. if even we the viewers were fooled, can you imagine Ha-jin?

And so after Yoo-jin invites the three of them over after 10 years because she had something important to tell them (definitely about cancer), all went to see her at her home, one by one, despite saying they might not go but they all had secrets from that incident and thought Yoo-jin wanted to talk about that. Too bad she already put those times behind her (such a good person). All three had different interactions with Yoo-jin that night, of her death. Ha-jin went there two times though. The first she did not meet Yoo-jin because Dude1 was already there. To Ha-jin it was a betrayal. To her it was Yoo-jin once again taking something of hers from her. Dude1 spent four hours in that house which drove Ha-jin over the edge with stress, stress that might have caused the miscarriage, now that I think about it. Still, she held herself back. it wasn’t until later that night that she lost her unborn child that Ha-jin completely lost it.

All that much pain in their lives and yet the very worst was yet to come!

And by that I mean that knowing what you already know about Ha-jin and Yoo-jin, what do you think both of them felt after Ha-jin poisoned Yoo-jin? What do you think Yoo-jin felt after being hated so much by the one person she loved in the world, that they killed her!! And all that without having had the chance to tell them how you really feel about them? How would you feel about everything after the life you have lead! You only had a few days to live because of cancer, you wanted to at least meet your love for the last time and tell them everything. But you don’t get the chance! it slips right out of your fingers as you see your love leave you, after poisoning you!

Right here you are already on Yoo-jin’s side dear Reader, I know it, no use to deny it. But what of ha-jin?!Perhaps before the last scene of the drama she deserves little mercy but not after the drama ends! You see she finally figures things out when the truth comes pouring down on her like the holy ghost! All it takes is the reveal of that one secret that Yoo-jin whispered to Dude1 all those years ago during high school. At the time Ha-jin was already suspicious of Yoo-jin being a villain to her life. At the time she thought that Yoo-jin had told Dude1 of her mother’s secret (about working at a night club). In truth, she was far, far off the mark. At the time, what Yoo-jin had actually whispered to Dude1 was this…

Like…I don’t even want to know exactly how Ha-jin felt when everything was bared before her eyes as it actually is! All those times that she had mis-interpreted Yoo-jin’s actions coming crashing down on her with the weight of the truths  that they actually were, actions of affection and love for Ha-jin! The director did his best to show how completely devastated Ha-jin was at her despicable actions but I feel like they only managed 25% of it. I don’t think anyone could have done it better! Not the actress, not the director, no, everyone did the best possible but the emotions in play here were simply untranslatable!

 

When Ha-jin finds out the truth
 

 
 

 

 

 
 

 

Her breakdown as her life changes right before her eyes in the span of millisecs

I’m sorry but, I am so done with this. I am already crying again and I just…I can’t.

Here are all the caps…

 
That first meeting yo >.<
 
IOW, I have been watching you for a long time!
 
 

Gaydar pinging!!!
 
 
Ha-jin you clueless fool!
 
 
 


SRSly, Ha-jin you fool!
 
Awww
 

Because only your opinion matter Ha-jin!
 

So obvious!

 
Yoo-jin ready to kill a mofo!
 
 
Love-sense tingling!
 
 
 
 
 
My home is your home!
 
 
Ai Yo!
 
 
Because a day hasn’t passed without me thinking of you in these 10 years!

Dat smile! Now I know how Kim Sae-ron will look like as an adult!

FEELs
 

FEELs everywhere!


I said FEELs every damn where!

 
 

Even after all of that, Yoo-jin still loved Ha-jin till her very last breath! She took comfort in her feelings and happy memories with Ha-jin. Perhaps she even might have considered it a blessing that she got to die at the hands of the one she loved instead of waiting in fear and terror at her painful death due to cancer.

It is mean I know but Yoo-jin got the better deal in the end. How is Ha-jin going to live now, knowing what she knows!? How is she going to handle the truth of what she has just done?! Just, how?!

God, no! I can’t handle this anymore.

Good bye!